Learning lessons in love

Sometimes you have to see things for what they really are, in this case, a blessing in disguise. My week started off with a bumpy start. Work was stressful and I went home Monday in tears. Things gradually got better and I was really looking forward to an event I was invited to on Thursday. Typically I don't share much about my personal life, not even to friends as I like to keep things private. Considering the lesson learned I decided it would be best to share in case it helps even just one person.

For about the last 2 years I've been dating someone in an off and on kind of situation. When we met there was no expectations because I was fresh out of a breakup and couldn't see myself jumping right back in. We took things slow and a beautiful friendship formed. As it sometimes happens, feelings began to develop but neither of us were really sure about where to take things. There was a possibility of him moving across the country and even I wasn't sure about setting my roots in Chicago. Lately I felt like things were finally getting a little more serious but that wasn't a sentiment he shared. On Thursday he accompanied me to the event and things sort of came to a boil. It became obvious that he and I clearly weren't on the same page and that pretty much ended things.

I would love to hate him, my anger reached a level I previously didn't know was possible. But then something clicked. I began to realize that I had nothing to worry about, he wasn't the right person and it definitely wasn't the right time. At least not for what I thought I wanted. Throughout our time together he pushed me, encouraged me, supported me, but more than anything he gave me the space to just simply be me. I was truly able to flourish knowing that someone loved me just the way I was. The uncertainty of our future forced me out of my comfort zone and made me face some tough realities. As much as hurt to admit to myself, I had to come to terms with the fact that he was meant to be in my life just for a short time to help me realize my potential but he wasn't meant to be along for the long haul.

In the wake of this realization I decided to do something to remind myself who I am and what I want. I sat down and wrote a list of all the things that make me unique and wonderful. Here is my list of affirmations, in no particular order, that by the end of finishing I felt so wonderful it didn't matter that I had lost a friend I thought I couldn't live without.

I am:

strong

passionate

beautiful

articulate

funny

radical

caring

dependable

intelligent 

resourceful

engaging

playful

bold

analytical

creative

open

loving

accomplished

dynamic

focused

determined

friendly

desirable

giving

cultured

quirky

adventurous

savvy

fun

independent

vibrant

loyal

nerdy

assertive

imaginative

energetic

curious

fierce

honest

I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders as I typed the last word on that list. I was finally honest with myself about who I am and what I'm truly looking for.